Who You Really Are
by DoublyToxicWaste
Summary: Keeping up a constant front in a ceaseless struggle to measure up to perfection can be hard work.


It was sort of late by now, the last rays of the sun slowly dying in the sky over Danville. Candace Flynn was sitting rather dejectedly on her bed, trying to at least appear happy and confident for her brother. It wasn't any of his business anyway, and he'd hardly understand or be able to help, either.

She wasn't even sure why he'd insisted on following her into her room tonight, except that he'd claimed wanting to show her some funny video on his phone. The video was long over (and it hadn't been that funny), but he was still here, sitting next to her on her bed, sort of idly playing with his phone as he leaned on her.

There was perhaps a temptation to order him out, but after what'd happened earlier, she just... didn't have the energy, really. Besides, he was being mostly still – and surprisingly quiet – and the warmth of his body heat was comforting, in a way. At least him she didn't have to worry about running off.

She sighed, exhaling a long breath and deflating into the pillows behind her back.

Phineas stirred at the movement. "Are you feeling alright?"

Of course, it would have been easy to just lie – and her brother being who he was, he'd probably have instantly believed even the most bold-faced of lies – but she'd already lied so much this evening trying to hide what she was feeling. It'd taken a lot out of her.

"I'm... managing." It wasn't the entire truth still, because 'managing' itself was an extremely generous overstatement... but the last thing she needed was for Phineas to go running his big mouth, either.

"Managing?" He sounded a little confused, putting his phone down next to him and looking up into her eyes. "I thought you said you had a good time Jeremy tonight?"

"Oh, for sure," Candace snorted carelessly. "Good time, I mean, yeah... what's not to love?" There was no doubt that Jeremy was a perfect boyfriend, after all, but spending even those few hours trying to measure up to that perfection? It left her feeling like she'd just run a marathon sometimes.

"Well, you did have fun, right? It did make you happy?"

"Right." Try as she might, she couldn't quite get rid of all the sarcasm in her tone. "We ate. We talked. We walked. And he kissed me. Well, I guess that ought to make me happy, at least." It probably ought, hadn't it? And it did, in a way, and in another it... not so much.

"Does it make you happy to be kissed?" He asked curiously, his blue eyes wide.

She shrugged. "It should." Because why shouldn't it? What reason had she to feel this way about Jeremy, anyway? Not a good one, for sure.

Phineas' eyes dropped for a second, and a look of intense concentration crossed his face. He leaned more heavily into her, almost in her lap by this point, then stretched upwards and-

-and kissed her.

Candace's eyes opened wide, and there were about a thousand emotions that surged through her mind all in the space of a single instant. There was shock and surprise mingled with disgust and confusion and maybe a little bit of fear... but, strangely, all these conflicting emotions were like little candle-flames in her heart, extinguished almost as quickly as they'd been kindled.

There was some part of her, deep down – a part that was starved of affection. Affection that came freely and without limits, that she didn't have to work or suffer for, that she didn't have to earn, that was just... given. That part had long been ignored and buried beneath the mounting weight of her insecurities, but now it almost reveled in the strange kiss, in the love that her brother was, apparently, willing to offer even to her.

She didn't have to worry about running Phineas off, after all. There was no underlying worry in her mind as she kissed him back, of dissatisfying him in some way or of finally prompting him to realize just how far down he was dating, or if anything else to distract from the sensation, from the way he loved her.

He was her brother, after all. And the kiss was just that, too.

His lips were soft and warm, and his tongue was gentle as it tickled the inside of her mouth.

Simultaneously she leaned farther down and slid her arms beneath his to raise him higher, up onto her lap, and higher still. And though Phineas may not have been experienced, exactly, there was still something about the whole thing that was vaguely unreal – as if taking place in a lucid dream.

Maybe it was the innocence still shining in his eyes – or maybe it was the way that, for once, there was no need for Candace to worry. She could just... relax.

When he pulled his mouth away from hers, it was almost a disappointment.

"I like kissing you," he said quietly.

She wasn't sure quite how to respond to that. What was the correct reaction, anyway? To worry over him leaving her for how messed-up she could be? To grow repulsed because he was her brother? To go on a soliloquy of her own in response?

Instead of any of those, she responded in the one way that felt right – the only way that felt right, as she lifted him up again and pressed her lips against his, not wanting to ever have to let him go again.

Heck, maybe one day she could even bust him for this. Or... maybe not. Roller coasters were one thing, but maybe this could be – could be their little secret.


End file.
